Jelena asked me to water her plants while she was at the seaside. She sent a short message, the sort you send someone you rely on. I read it during lunch, between two mouthfuls. Two weeks earlier she had said we would not take our shared trip this year. Too expensive, dates incompatible, everyone had something. Now she was going to the same little apartment the four of us had visited for years.
I called and asked whether she was going with her husband. The pause lasted long enough that I no longer needed an answer. The three of them were going. Jelena tried explaining that it had been arranged at the last moment, but I knew what her haste looked like. Even for a weekend she bought sun cream seven days ahead. I asked when the trip had actually been cancelled, and she said my name as a plea not to continue.
We met outside her building. She said that on the last holiday I had constantly made schedules, commented on costs, and grown angry whenever anyone was late. I could not deny everything. I could indeed turn going to the beach into an expedition's departure. But none had told me it bothered them so much. Inventing an expensive apartment had been easier than enduring a conversation in which I might be hurt.
Now I was hurt without the conversation. Jelena said I was not excluded forever, as though the group had an admissions deadline. I refused to water the plants. It had nothing to do with the plants. I did not want to spend the next ten days entering her flat and performing a small proof that nothing between us had broken. I wished her a good holiday, which was not entirely true then, but I had no better closing sentence.
They went. I requested no photographs and did not ask mutual acquaintances how they were. Saturdays were hardest, when I would normally send travel suggestions. Instead I booked a day trip with strangers and deliberately left the schedule to the guide. Not everything was pleasant. Somebody was late, lunch cost too much, and I nevertheless enjoyed several moments without repairing the plan.
On her return Jelena brought a fridge magnet. I let her in but did not immediately stick it up. We talked for a long time without promises about next summer. When she asked whether I had changed on my outing, I said that was not the only question that needed asking. The magnet remained on the table between us, a little house without a single door that opened.